Apparently, all of this emotional upheaval left me with some unfortunate news of my own. It was December, and I began feeling funny. I started having headaches and I noticed my menstrual cycle was off. I thought we were pregnant again…We learned I had suffered a miscarriage. Although I hadn’t been far along, I cannot break down how crushed and perplexed I felt. Immediately, I plunged into self-condemnation.- Ch 12. “The Audacity to Finish”- A Memoir
October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, here in the U.S. At any point during this month, if you signed-on to a social media outlet, the hashtag was hard to miss. However, as the month comes to a close, the awareness also dies down. Stories stop getting shared, while many mother’s still grieve.
According to the March of Dimes, a miscarriage is defined as the spontaneous, unexpected, sometimes unexplained loss of a baby before 20 weeks of gestation. Stats reveal 10% of all first trimester pregnancies end in miscarriage.
For us millennial women, the use of awareness months and hashtags have become a way to share stories, information, and tips for prevention. But beyond these 31 days, come many holidays, which may act as triggers to emotional scars not yet healed.
As a fellow survivor, I’m sharing with you, three ways to emotionally manage your miscarriage, beyond the month of awareness.
- Feel your grief: You might already be feeling a range of emotions, but central to our generation’s experience is trying to numb our emotions by hiding behind perfect posts; sometimes it’s mindless scrolling to avoid actually dealing with what’s trying to surface. You can begin to feel your grief by talking to others. Share what hurts, how it hurts, when it hurts. Talk about what it means to you to have lost a child.
- Stop rushing past your grief: Sometimes it takes a few months and sometimes it takes years. With society’s approach of ‘fast and now,’ sometimes it can feel burdensome to you and others to unpack the loss of a pregnancy. Most people are unaware of the connection that forms between a mother and child, even if the loss happens “early.” While it may hurt to be asked questions like: ‘why aren’t you over that yet?’ Don’t take it personally. Honor the loss for as long as it takes until you reach acceptance and feel peace.
- Find a support group: Whether it’s mother’s who pray together or book clubs, find an avenue to channel the experience in a healthy or even creative way. At times, it may feel supportive to get on Instagram or Facebook to share, but those are open spaces without any rules for sensitivity towards unhealed emotional experiences. Beyond awareness months, you may be doing more harm than good, expecting to feel supported or safe in those spaces. Work up the courage to get into real community. Can’t find something? Create it.
Prayer and Meditation: Suffering a miscarriage can be a deeply disturbing experience, spiritually. It is not uncommon to feel abandoned by God, angry at God, or altogether disinterested in continuing your faith walk. However it is manifesting for you, know that beyond the pain, sadness, or even disbelief of a miscarriage, comfort and restoration are always available to you, in the hands of the Divine.
A Prayer for Grieving
Heavenly Father, Blessed Mother, I humbly come before you, with my arms wide open. I present before you my blessed womb. I surrender to you my sadness, rage, resentment, fear, frustration, depression, misunderstanding over the life no longer present in my womb. I pray to receive soul-level healing. I pray to receive heart-renewing gladness. I pray to be held in your arms as I process this season of my life. I love you and I trust you. In your blessed name (Christ’s name) I pray. Amen.
Affirmations to work with at this time:
I am loved by the Divine
I am comforted by the Divine
I am seen by the Divine
I am restored by the Divine
Essential Oils to work with at this time:
- Geranium: helps soothe a broken heart and supports feeling trustful.
- Cypress: helps with teaching the soul to let go of the past and supports the release of feeling stuck emotionally or mentally.
- Peppermint: helps with feelings of despair, intense sadness, and discouragement, and supports feeling relief, optimism, and strength.
- Bergamot: helps with feelings of self-blame, judgement, and supports feelings of self-acceptance.
For a personalized blend, send your request here.
For past episodes dealing with grief and loss: